Writing Tip #2

Did you read Writing Tip #1? It is all about observation. Hope you have been observing and writing them down in your notebooks.

In Writing Tip #2 we will talk about SENSORY DETAILS.

How many senses do we have? If you exclude Common Sense, then we perhaps could agree that we can

  1. SMELL
  2. SEE
  3. HEAR
  4. FEEL
  5. TASTE

What does that have to do with stories, you might ask? Everything! When you write stories, you want your reader to be able to smell and see and hear, feel and taste what your story’s character is facing.

Clear as Mud? Oh, what colour is mud? Is it thick or is it transparent? Is it icky to touch? Is it wet or dry?

Let’s take a very short description and see how sensory details can affect this story.

A beautiful princess in magnificent clothes in bright colours wandered into the vast ocean and sunk very deep. There she found a fantastic and magnificent palace.

From the above passage, can you tell me –

  1. What the princess was wearing – a dress or a trouser suit or a sari? What colour was her outfit? Was it soft like silk or rough like cotton?
  2. Did she have a long nose or short? Did she have black hair or brown? Did she have blue eyes or brown eyes? Did she have soft hands because she has never done hard labour or are her hands calloused because she’s an archer?
  3. How vast is the ocean? Bigger than the Pacific or smaller than the Indian Ocean? Was the water in the ocean cold? Or hot? How cold was it? Was it freezing? How deep was it? Ten times the distance to the moon or just the same depth as the well in your garden?
  4. Did the ocean taste yucky? Was the water very salty? Could she breathe?
  5. What does fantastic mean? Does it mean glittering, or dangerous? Does it mean pink studded or sparkling in fish colours? What does magnificent mean? Big or majestic? Bungalow or a high-rise building? Does it have towers?
  6. Was the ocean loud? Did she hear sea birds? Did she hear any other noise under its depths?

If you weren’t able to answer any of the questions, that’s okay, because the few lines about the princess didn’t give you any sensory details. It didn’t tell you about what the princess saw, smelt, heard, felt or tasted.

ArthurRansome_SwallowAndAmazonsHere is a short paragraph from Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome.

The landing-place, with its little beach, on the eastern side of the island was a good place for bathing. There was sand there, and though there were stones, they were not so sharp as elsewhere. Also the water did not go deep there very suddenly, and after Susan had walked out a good long way, she said that Roger might bathe too.

Can you spot the sensory details and the specific details that the writer has included in this paragraph? Instead of saying beach, he talks about the eastern side, the sand and the stones and the sharpness of the stones.

 

milkHere is another passage – this is from Fortunately the milk by Neil Gaiman, illustrated by Chris Riddell.

“I bought the milk,” said my father. “And I did indeed say a brief hello to Mister Ronson from over the road, who was buying a paper. I walked out of the corner shop, and heard something odd that seemed coming from above me. It was a noise like this: thumm-thumm.

I looked up and saw a huge silver disc hovering in the above Marshall Road.”

In the above paragraph can you spot the specific things? It is not someone, it is Mister Ronson. He is from over the road. And he is buying the paper. The disc was silver and it was above Marshall road. Can you hear the sound – was it specific?

Including sensory details makes the reader imagine the things the way you want them to. Beautiful is not specific because what’s beautiful to you is not to me. And therefore you cannot make the reader think about this particular princess in your story. Whereas in Neil Gaiman’s paragraph, we are not talking about any neighbour – we are talking about Mister Ronson who is from across the road.

The things you see – colour, shape, size etc are easier to include in the story. But as a writer you have to remember to include sounds – either like in the above passage THUMM-THUMM or using onomatopoeic words.

Instead of saying the ducks were noisy – you can say the ducks quacked. The word quack is onomatopoeic because the word quack reminds you of the real sound ducks make.

Can you think of other onomatopoeic words?

Most often forgotten senses are the sense of smell and taste. Taste is normally included only when the story needs it. We cannot make the princess lick the sand to tell us how the beach felt – but when she’s in the water we can make her taste the salty water. So taste is used especially when things get dangerous or exciting because you can taste it in your saliva.

Smell is a very useful and often forgotten sense used in writing. Smells can bring back memories. If you wrote a sentence about samosas, every reader who has ever eaten one, will remember it.That’s how the brain works. That smell will help them connect with the story better.

But if you have to describe something unfamiliar to you – perhaps a demon’s breakfast – how would you know what it smells like? You then have to make it up using things you know. Depending on the story it could be a good smell or bad.

Here are two examples that involve smell  – you decide which is gross and which is tasty.

Demon Deekinopi picked up his plate filled with that morning's catch - the crispy wings tasted like carrot crisps and the gooey runny bit in the middle tasted like kheer filled with almonds and milk. Yum!
Demon Deekipino, his brother looked in his plate - a lump of meat sat on it and it smelt like the dead rat that had eaten a dead cat and on the side were some leaves that smelt like rotten seaweed dipped in the ditch. Yum!

What is touch though? These are the feelings on your skin and body and hands. Cold to the touch, soft or hard surface, wind on your arms that make your hand stand up – all of these are related to the feelings of touch.

Here is an example.

The wind brushed against Little Ganesha. All the hair on his body stood up in the cold. Even the little hairs on his tiny tail. He stepped on the grassy path that led to dark cave. He immediately felt as if he was in the embrace of his mum. 

And I leave you with this wonderful poem about five senses by Janice Johnston. You can find her tips on writing using five senses by clicking here.

That’s what I Like

Giant slides and swings
Kites on long strings
Smiles Grandma brings
That’s what I like to see.

Loud music and bells
Giggles and yells
Stories mum tells
That’s what I like to hear.

Sweeties to munch
Carrots that crunch
Ice cream for lunch
That’s what I like to taste.

Freshly baked bread
Shampoo on my head
Clean sheets on my bed
That’s what I like to smell.

Silky smooth ribbons
Soft purring kittens
Warm woollen mittens
That’s what I like to touch.

By Janice Johnston

Now it is your turn. Can you try writing with as many senses you can?

  1. Have you been to the zoo? Can you write 3 paragraphs about your visit using at least three of the senses?
  2. Do you swim? Can you describe swimming to me using as many of the senses you can?
  3. Imagine you are meeting an alien. Can you explain an ice-cream cone to the alien using all the five senses?

1 Comment

  1. The way the examples are given for the five senses is so vivid it truly makes a lasting impact on a child’s mind and adults as well. The poem says it all. Thank you Chitra!

Comments are closed.